Bittersweet
by realize
Summary: [Oneshot] Sakura, the outcast who thought she would always be alone, and Syaoran, the popular boy who thought no one would ever understand him, find love in each other. What Syaoran doesn't know is Sakura is hiding a secret...


You think it could never happen to you. That man who got hit by a car. That little girl that was horribly murdered. Or that person that has cancer. Death is always there, like a second shadow. It is inevitable, but you just can't imagine it. Anyone could die at any place, at any second.

When the doctor uttered those fateful words, "You're dying," to seventeen-year-old Sakura Kinomoto, she welcomed death with open arms.

But then, she met him…

The first time she noticed him was- well she couldn't remember when she first noticed him. It was hard not to. He was like the sun- the centre of attention and always had a gaggle of people orbiting around him. Sakura was proud to say that she was not one of those people. So, it came as a big surprise to her when he actually spoke to her.

She had been sitting under a big oak tree, eyes closed and numbed in fantasy. To her annoyance, something big and round hit her square on the head. She opened her eyes to see a soccer ball in her lap and a rather apologetic boy heading her way.

Wordlessly, she handed the ball back to him and closed her eyes again, knowing he would go away.

She was wrong.

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay," she responded, eyes still closed. Surely he was going to go away now?

Wrong again.

"I'm Syaoran Li," he said, like there was a chance someone in the school didn't know his name.

"I know."

"…" "This is the part where you give me your name?"

Sighing, she opened her eyes again, revealing the most intense eyes he had ever seen. "Why do you care?"

He smiled. "Okay, Miss why-do-you-care, you wanna go get a coffee? As an apology?"

In one split second, the annoyance on her face turned to anger. "No. Would you please just leave me alone?"

He drew back from her radiating anger, his palms up in surrender. Turning on his heel, he headed back to the soccer field where his friends were impatiently waiting for him.

"Man, what took you so long?" asked his friend Zachary.

He shrugged. "I was talking to the girl under the tree," he said, jerking his thumb in Sakura's direction.

"Kinomoto?" inquired Zachary incredulously.

"I don't know her name. I asked but she got all pissed at me."

"Brown hair, freaky green eyes?"

"Yeah." He frowned. "Her eyes aren't freaky."

"Dude, what are you doing talking to her?"

"What's it to you?" Syaoran shot back.

"Nothing. But Kinomoto's been the loser outcast for who knows how long. Why are you wasting time talking to her when you could make any girl your girlfriend?"

Irritated, Syaoran snapped, "Who says I want to make her my girlfriend? I was just talking to her!"

Zachary shrugged. "Whatever you say."

They resumed playing, but those green eyes just wouldn't get out of his head. Her resistance to him and Zachary's disapproval made him want to get to know her even more.

* * *

Sakura tucked the books in her arm and walked to her next class. She felt a hand on her shoulder and let out a breath of air, getting ready for the impact. She didn't understand why they had to pick on her.

The shove never came. She turned around to come face to face with Syaoran. "What do you want?" she spat.

"You still up for that coffee?"

"I never agreed to coffee with you!" she stated angrily.

He feigned hurt, putting his hand over his heart. "Ouch. How 'bout you agree now?" he smirked playfully.

Sakura rolled her eyes, wishing she could wipe the arrogant smirk off his face. He was obviously not used to rejection. She pushed past him into her waiting classroom.

When her class was over, she was surprised to see him standing outside. Thinking there was no way he was waiting for her, she walked past him, until he grabbed her arm.

"Have lunch with me."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to," she replied, ignoring the angry, jealous glares of half the female population. "Will you just leave me alone?" she said, exasperated.

"One coffee. That's all I want."

She hesitated.

'What the hell,' she thought. It couldn't hurt, especially if he would stop pestering her after this. What did she have to lose?

"Alright. One coffee," she said, dejected.

"Great!" he said, his smile instantly lighting up his handsome features. Without warning, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the parking lot, where his expensive car was waiting.

'Figures,' she thought, looking at the car's shiny, glossy exterior. She was never much of a car fanatic, but she knew enough to know the car didn't come cheap.

Ten minutes later, she found herself in a booth facing Syaoran, their food in front of them.

"Did you lose some sort of bet? Or are you on one?" asked Sakura.

"Bet? What are you talking about?" Syaoran was obviously confused.

"You know, where the popular guy plays around with the nerdy girl and brags to all his friends, like that movie She's All That, where the guy makes the girl prom queen?"

Syaoran's eyes clouded in anger. "I don't do that," he said through gritted teeth.

She took a small sip of her drink. "Well, I don't know why else you're so desperate to talk to me."

He racked his brain. "I don't know why either," he said truthfully. "You…interest me."

She raised an eyebrow. "Interest you how?"

"You…I don't know. You seem different. You don't like me. And you have amazing eyes."

Sakura laughed. "Ah, the typical 'popular guy likes weird girl because she's different and isn't like all the bimbos that hang around him.' That one's a classic."

"You've very stereotypical, you know that?"

She shrugged. "What can I say? I watch a lot of movies."

"Well, I can tell you I would never do anything like that. I don't think people are objects or pawns," he said, somewhat bitterly.

She looked closely at him. "Bad experience?"

"Kinda. Well, my parents. They think money is everything. They have all these parties where everyone laughs and smiles like they're having a good time, when really, they're just plotting how to leech off each other. And I'm just expected to act the same. It's disgusting." He paused to take a breath. "Sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you this."

"It's okay. It's nice to know you aren't as perfect as everyone thinks."

He gave a small smile. "Trust me. I'm far from perfect." He glanced at his watch. "We should head back. Class starts in a few minutes."

Sakura couldn't help but feel disappointed. She hated to admit it, but she had enjoyed it…

"Listen," said Syaoran. "I know I said one time and I'd leave you alone, but…I really would like to do this again sometime," he finished hopefully.

"Um…" Deep down, she knew it wasn't a good idea. Society was cruel to these relationships. "Sure?" She jotted down her number on a spare napkin and handed it to him, expecting him to never call. But he had.

And so it began…

* * *

One year passed, and Syaoran and Sakura had become best friends. Strange how it happened, but they had gotten to know each other inside out. It wasn't easy. It took awhile for Syaoran's friends to accept Sakura, and when they finally realized she wasn't so bad, they had to deal with the rest of the school harassing her.

It had taken almost a year for the bullying to stop, and by then, Sakura still hadn't told Syaoran her secret. Too late she had realized she was in love with her best friend. If she had known this would happen, she would've distanced herself from him, but now she couldn't turn back time.

She watched as he was pursued by girl after girl, but he never went out with one. Whenever she asked him why, he simply said, "They're not you." Each time, her heart would beat faster, but then he would give his trademark smile and her heart would break again as she realized he was only kidding.

A year ago, she wouldn't have cared what happened to her. She had nothing to live for. No friends, no family, and definitely one no one to care for. But now…she couldn't imagine life without, well-life. She couldn't imagine a world without him by her side, holding her, comforting her.

She could feel herself slowly getting weaker every day. Syaoran had noticed her paleness and lack of strength and he was concerned, thinking Sakura wasn't eating properly.

'I'm fine," she had insisted.

"No, you're not. You're not trying to look like one of those girls are you? Because you're perfect the way you are."

She had burst into tears, wishing he wasn't so kind to her. Instantly, she felt those warm arms enclosing her. She would've cried a million tears just to have those arms around her forever.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I know you're not one of them."

She sniffed a bit, cursing herself for being so foolish. Syaoran pulled back a little and looked right in her eyes. "You know I'll always love you right?"

"Always?"

"Always," he promised.

But Sakura knew, always could mean anything from one week to fifty years.

"I mean it Sakura, I love you. Maybe…maybe more than I'm supposed to."

He felt her stiffen in his arms. "W-what does that mean?"

"It means…"

He tailed off, unable to finish his sentence. Instead, he cupped her face gently, and dipped his head down in a silent question. She titled her head up to his in response. Sakura gasped as their lips touched, giving him access to her mouth.

If Syaoran hadn't been holding her, she would've fainted. "Why ..?" she questioned, knowing he would understand her meaning.

"As cheesy as it sounds, I can't explain love. Maybe it's how you always seem to know what I'm thinking. Maybe it's how your smile lights up the room. Maybe it's how cute you look when you bite your lips. Whatever it is, I know what I feel for you."

"But why me? You could have anyone." She looked away, ashamed.

"Sakura…" he whispered. He put two fingers under her chin and lifted her head so she faced him. "All the girls in the world can't compare to you."

She smiled softly. Tonight, she would believe. She would believe his words and promises. She would believe that she wasn't dying and he wouldn't hate her if he found out. Because tonight was perfect. Tonight, she was free.

"I love you too," she mumbled into his shirt. He pulled her even closer to him and she fell asleep, hoping the spell wouldn't be broken when she awoke. Syaoran smiled at the girl in his arms as he took out a pocketknife and began to work on the tree behind them…

* * *

Months passed by quickly and Sakura's health deteriorated along with the time. She never planned for this to happen. She never planned to befriend Syaoran and she certainly never planned for them to fall in love. But life couldn't be planned and the chronicled events couldn't be controlled.

As the days dragged on, she grew more anxious. She couldn't tell him. It was hard enough being with him every day, because she knew one day she would wake up from her dreamland into the harsh realm of reality.

She had to make it easier on both of them. She was a coward. She was going to run away. Run away from her problems. Run away from life. Run away from love. Because maybe, just maybe, she could outrun the pain that would follow.

"Syaoran…" she began, not sure of how to say it. Her heart was pounding like crazy and unseen tears burned the back of her eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly, tracing his thumb across her cheek.

She pulled away from his touch. Why did he have to make this so much harder?

"I don't think we should be together," she blurted out.

He searched her face for any sign that she was joking, but there was none. "Why?" He grabbed her wrists. "What are you afraid of?"

He always could see right through her, she thought sadly. "I just don't think it's working out. I don't think we should be friends anymore either, at least for awhile; it'll just complicate things. I can't be friends with you and remember everything we shared, I'd feel too guilty. "

"Liar," he hissed. "Why are you really doing this? Almost two years, and you're just going to throw this all away?"

Sakura took a deep breath. Time to draw out the big guns. She looked him square in the eyes. "I'm in love with someone else. I didn't want to have to tell you." She had practiced that line for weeks, practicing in her mirror to hide her emotions, but it didn't make it any easier.

He dropped her wrists in shock at her unwavering face. Deep down, he knew he should question her uncharacteristic behaviour, but he was too caught up in what she was saying.

"I've…loved him for awhile. I just never thought he could like me. I'm sorry that I led you on…you don't deserve this. I never wanted to hurt you." She was looking down now, but her truthful tone was unmistakable.

He felt the hurt build up in him. How could she do this to him…he trusted her with his heart and it had merely been a toy to her. He never would've guessed she could be this type of person.

"Syaoran?" He stared at Sakura, who was biting her lip nervously. He had always loved that about her. It made her look innocent, not that she wasn't. Now, he felt like he didn't even know her anymore. Two years…gone in one minute. All those times she said she'd always love him, what a lie.

"Fuck you," he spat. His voice scared him. It sounded nothing like him at all. He rarely swore, but right not, he let his anger and pain talk. "You're just a slut." He gave a hollow laugh. "Remember when you asked if you were a bet? Well you were," he said, lying through his teeth. "I'm sorry I ever loved you," he said brokenly.

If he had looked back, he would've seen the girl with tears streaming down her face. Sakura knew he didn't mean a word he said, but she knew he hated her. 'It's for the best. We were never meant to be together. I don't deserve someone like him.'

Worse, she had to prove her words. Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see Syaoran turn away whenever she kissed Eriol, a boy whom she cared nothing for. Their kisses disgusted her. It was slimy, wet, and simply gross. Eriol was a known playboy, which was why she chose him. He would never care if she used him.

Syaoran finally began to pay attention to the girls surrounding him. He had someone new on his arm every day, smirking at Sakura whenever she walked by. He had changed completely, and she knew it was her fault. He would get over her though. Or maybe he already had. Even though it hurt her, she was happy for him. He deserved happiness, although it didn't change the fact that every time she saw him, she wanted to punch those girls in the face until they were black and blue and ugly.

She had decided she would leave for New York, one of the places where she had always wanted to go. She didn't know how much time she had left, so she booked the first available flight.

On her last day, she walked around town for the last time. Every place she visited brought memories back and fresh tears would come. There were so many places she remembered being with him… She knew she would never forget him. And she would always love him, even though she would leave the world soon…

She smiled faintly when the reached the cherry blossom tree where they had confessed their love. Something on the tree caught her eye, and she moved closer to get a better look. There, carved on the trunk was a small heart with SS in the middle.

Emotions flooded her and she forced her feet to move one in front of the other to get away. The past is in the past.

* * *

"Li Syaoran!" the teacher boomed.

Syaoran pulled away from his latest girlfriend, who giggled and faked embarrassment. "What?"

The teacher fumed. "I'm absolutely appalled at you behaviour lately. This better never happen again! Now go down to the office this instant!"

Syaoran smirked. "Gladly." He sauntered out of class as the emptiness took over him again. He wasn't the only one sickened by his behaviour, but it was the only way the void inside him filled a little, if only for a few minutes.

He had so many unanswered questions, the biggest being why? Why wasn't he good enough for her? Or maybe she just liked the players like Eriol. At first, he was half convinced she was lying to him for some reason, but she looked like she was greatly enjoying herself with him. He punched the wall beside him, wanting to hurt the wall as much as he was hurting, but it only resulted in him having red knuckles. He wanted to break down and cry, but Syaoran Li did not weep.

As soon as he opened the office doors, the secretary shook her head sympathetically at him. "I'll be right back," she said.

He paced the office listlessly, bored. He began going through the secretary's papers, wondering if he was going to find something of interest. He was just about to give up when he saw transfer papers. Sakura's transfer papers.

She was going to New York…and she didn't even tell him! Judging by the paper's date, she had known a long time, way before she broke up with him. He checked the office's clock. Shit. She was leaving in two hours.

The secretary came back, holding a few sheets of paper. She opened her mouth, but before any words could come out, Syaoran ran out of the office.

"Take me to the airport," he barked at one of the taxi drivers, stationed at the front of the school to pick up a student. He threw a couple of bills into the driver's hand. "Make it fast."

The driver, happy with the money, got him there in twenty minutes. Syaoran hurried to the international section, but it was crowed. He pushed past the customers at the information desk, muttering apologies. "I'm looking for flight 0146H to New York."

The woman behind the counter glared at him suspiciously, but finally gave him directions. He could see Sakura handing her ticket to a man behind a counter and he sped up, running.

"Sakura!" he almost yelled, placing a hand on her shoulder. She turned around. It wasn't her. "Sorry," he huffed, disappointed. He was too late.

"Syaoran? What are you doing here?"

He turned around slowly, meeting her emerald eyes. The next thing she knew, she was being crushed by his hug. He held on to her as if afraid to let her go.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sakura was surprised at the tear's running down his cheeks. "Why don't you trust me? Do you hate me that much? What did I do wrong?"

She felt her heart break at the sight of him looking so vulnerable. "I'm sorry."

"I still love you Sakura. I always will. What you did..I can forgive you. We'll start over. Please, just please..give me another chance. Please." He was begging, and it broke her heart.

"I'm sorry," she whispered apologetically. "I can't force myself to have those kinds of feelings for you. It wouldn't be fair to you. Or me." Her heart was beating her up for lying, and the felt all the pain and all the hurt she put herself through.

"Are you trying to tell me, or are you trying to tell yourself?" His voice held a desperate tone.

"I-"

"Stay."

"I can't…I really have to go."

"When are you coming back?"

"…I'm not."

They both didn't speak for a few moments.

"I really have to go now," Sakura said, glancing at the boarding gate.

Syaoran grabbed her and kissed her one last time. It took all her willpower not to stay there rooted there, connected to him. If they did that again, she might not be able to make herself leave him…

"Maybe one day we'll see each other again," he said lightly. "I'll be waiting."

She gave a ghost of a smile. "Maybe."

Without a second glance behind her, she walked on to board the plane. She knew if she looked back, she wouldn't be able to stop the tears.

"I love you Syaoran Li. Always." But there was no one to hear her.


End file.
